My father is the type who doesn’t need much, and he doesn’t want anything he doesn’t need. If he needs a sweater, he goes and buys one. When my husband posts pictures of our kids to an online gallery, my father buys a copy of each one. He doesn’t watch movies and he doesn’t want an iPod.
For a few years, I tried valiantly to come up with Christmas and birthday gifts he might appreciate: a car emergency kit that he keeps in his trunk still feels like a small victory.
He turned 60 a few years ago. Instead of a package, I sent him an email:
“I have such strong memories of you and Mom from as far back as I can remember helping other people. Habitat for Humanity, St. Vincent’s, the Dakota Center, making casseroles for the men’s shelter…the list goes on. The strong moral compass that you and Mom instilled in us has been an important and guiding force in all our lives.
“I look at our family and I’m so proud of the strong relationships we have, and the people we have become. If, as you’ve told me, you’re proud of the way we are raising your grandchildren, it’s because I had exceptional models to follow. Some people want to be nothing like their parents-I want to be just like mine.
“I know you’ve always said that if you win the lottery, you would start a foundation. Well, I’m thinking your chances aren’t so hot. But since I work in philanthropy-and I won the “Lottery of Birth”-I’m starting a family foundation with you as the President.
“On your 60th birthday, I hope it will be a symbol for you of all you have accomplished with your life, and all that you’ve still got left to contribute.
“It won’t be big, dollar-wise. But I realized recently that legacy is cumulative. By that I mean you’ve already created a legacy through your family, but that everything we do from here on out builds and contributes to the legacy of our family. I want to capture and pass on the legacy that you started, and your parents before you. I want to make sure there is a reason to talk about what we value as a family, and to spend time thinking about it and acting on it together.
“I’d like to think you’ll name Mom and the three of us as fellow Directors. I’d like to think we can have an annual meeting and maybe a volunteer activity that we can do when we all get together at Thanksgiving/Christmas. But I leave all that to you.”
Now, three years later, the adult members of our family don’t exchange Christmas presents or birthday presents. We contribute to the foundation. We all still have our personal giving, but deciding on gifts out of the foundation is a group effort.
If something like this is appealing, but you think a foundation is for the Gates and Buffets, you’ll be excited to know that many financial institutions offer a donor-advised fund that you can start with just $5,000. Ask your financial advisor about your options.
