Archive for October, 2010

Over-Tippers Anonymous

October 28, 2010

I have to admit that having been a server for a few years in college makes me both more understanding and more critical at the same time. On the one hand, I know how easy it is to get “in the weeds.”  On the other hand, I was trained to deliver great service and can often find ways our server doesn’t rise to the challenge.

I used to leave the server a tip according to the perceived level of service. 15% is standard, right? So you had to be really great to get a 20% tip. This felt judicious and reasonable and fair.

But since the recession, I have started to think differently about tipping service people of all kinds. I kept hearing stories about how people were eating out less, getting their hair cut less, certainly vacationing less.  And it seems like the people most affected by this are the people who can afford it the least.

[Servers, for example, make far less than minimum wage, usually no more than $3 or $4 an hour. Rather, tips make up the bulk of their wages.  Usually, servers take home the tips they make, and they are lucky if the base wages actually paid by the restaurant cover their taxes due.]

Despite the recession, I’m still able to eat out with my family. I’m still getting my hair cut, and I’m still taking cabs and traveling regularly. So I’ve started viewing these interactions as opportunities to help out the people working hard every day and probably taking home less than they used to, through no fault of their own. To help compensate for fewer customers with tighter purse strings, I’ve become an “over-tipper.”

20% is now my minimum tip for servers and hairdressers and the like. An extra few bucks means almost nothing to me but can make a big difference to these people.

And even if I use a credit or debit card to pay for the service, I try to tip in cash so the service person can have it immediately to take home. It’s more flexible for them and they may need the cash flow, rather than waiting for the company to put credit card tips into their next pay check.

I’m also trying to be more mindful of tipping the various people I run into in the course of my business travels: hotel doormen who get me a cab and housekeepers who clean the room like the invisible Hogwarts house-elves. (more on how to tip while traveling)

Beyond the people you tip each time they provide a service, many etiquette writers suggest you tip folks during the holidays as a way to say “thanks” for great service throughout the year. Check this article “10 tips on tipping: Who gets  how much?

So if you’d like to join my new club, “Overtippers Anonymous,” be warned: it’s not a way to save a few bucks. But instead of feeling judicious (which I look at in a completely different way, now seeing how close it is to “judgmental”), you’ll feel gratitude, solidarity and joy.

Celebrate!

October 25, 2010

My friend Lisa told me a story recently of how a celebrity wedding almost brought her and a complete stranger together—but didn’t.

Lisa and this woman she didn’t know were both getting their nails done at the same salon one day, and the television set blaring from the corner was showing a program on celebrity weddings. One famous bride was extremely proud of her Mediterranean heritage and so rented ancient Greek sculptures to serve as centerpieces, shelling out $5,000—each. The stranger said to Lisa, “that’s crazy. I mean, there are so many other things you could spend that money on…” and Lisa was nodding in agreement. Starving children, she thought, or health care for pregnant women. The woman continued. “She could have gotten a fabulous diamond tennis bracelet, or…”

So close, but so far apart.

Whether you’re planning a wedding, celebrating a birthday or welcoming a new family member, the way we choose to share our joy is an important reflection of who we are and what we value.  There’s nothing wrong with spending money to celebrate special events, but to live an integrated life we need to realize that money is merely the means to an end, not an end in itself.

If you’re wondering about specific elements to include in your big moments, ask yourself these questions:

  • Does this aspect of the celebration fall in line with my deepest values?
  • Do I feel good about spending my money in this way?
  • What am I signaling to my friends and family with this celebration? Am I demonstrating superficial aspects of who I am (monetary wealth or popularity) or deeply rooted beliefs and priorities (gratitude or the importance of family).

You are the only person who can answer these questions honestly, and your gut response will tell you a lot about your underlying motivations. Do they make you uncomfortable or defensive about your choices? If so, ask yourself why and try to be honest. But if you can answer these questions with clarity and confidence, you’ll feel good about what you’re doing and enjoy your celebration as a true expression of the whole person that you are.

You Are More Than a CheckBook

October 20, 2010

You’re so much more than money. When it comes to your ability to support causes, and ultimately bring about the world you want to see, the line item in your budget that is reserved for “donations to charity” is just the beginning of what you have to offer.

I see at least five additional categories that comprise your power to bring about positive social change.

1) You are a consumer

Linking our consumer purchasing decisions with our values is one of the most powerful tools at our disposal as a community. Think of how much you spend every week on groceries, drug store items, eating out, buying clothes, etc. In short, every one of those purchasing decisions can be a statement about the things you believe in.  Sound overwhelming? Start with a few baby steps.

  1. If you have an iphone, arm yourself to make good purchasing decisions on the go with the free goodguide app, which will allow you to type in the bar code for products on the shelf and get back a rating that will help you understand the social and environmental impact of that product.
  2. When you shop the Amazon catalog, do it through Alonovo, which pairs the search results with corporate social responsibility ratings for the company so you can include your values in your decision-making.
  3. Or better yet, shop local bricks and mortar business to help your community thrive, as advocated by The 3/50 Project
  4. Want to get started right away? Hand out fair trade chocolate this Halloween.
  5. With the holidays fast approaching, shop for gifts at stores that support the artisans and pay them a fair wage instead of exploiting cheap labor. You can find all kinds of ideas for clothes and gifts through the Case Foundation’s Dressed to Give blog series.

2) You are an investor

The old model of screening out “evil” companies is falling by the wayside. Instead, talk to your investment advisor about finding green tech or clean tech stocks or other socially responsible funds. And when you get those proxy notices in the mail, instead of pitching them, look at what the corporation is going to do and use your position as a shareholder to advocate for responsible decisions. For more info on working in partnership with corporations to address environmental concerns, check out Ceres.

Don’t have a big stock portfolio (yet)? What about your 401k? Could you talk to your HR department about including socially responsible investment choices for your retirement plan?

Old myths that you have to sacrifice performance to achieve social or environmental benefits have been easily dis-proven, although many financial professionals continue to spout this old trope. So come armed with evidence.

3) You are a person with a reputation

Have you considered how your name as a supporter and contributor might be used to lend credibility and even a “stamp of approval” to support the charities you care about?

You have “reputational capital” that might be valuable among your peers. Offer it up, via testimonials, public appearances, attending events, etc.

4) You are a person with skills and talents

If your professional expertise is accounting,  have you considered how your knowledge of cash flow and accounts receivable could help the smaller charities you care about manage their money more effectively? If you are a school teacher, have you considered whether your skills as an educator might be put to use? Lots of charities need their walls painted and their envelopes stuffed. But I always find it more rewarding to use my professional expertise to help the charities I care about, because it’s something not everyone can do for them, and it’s something they really need.

5) You are a person with a social network

Your friends and acquaintances are also more than money. If you’re not a graphic designer but you have a friend who is, you might recruit them to the cause. They could design a logo, a program for the big event, table tents, web design, etc.  If you have a twitter following, can you recruit those folks or mobilize them to take action on behalf of your favorite organizations? Putting a badge on your Facebook page or changing your icon to the charity logo lets your friends know you are passionate. And when your favorite charity asks you to take action, pass it along to your friends to magnify your effect.

More and more people are using celebrations in their lives to ask people to engage with their favorite causes.

For her 40th birthday next year, my sister has asked my, my other sister and my mom to join her in a three-day walk-a-thon to raise money for cancer research.

Or you may consider a note for your next party that goes something like this: “We look forward to celebrating our [occasion] with you. In lieu of gifts, please consider making a donation to our favorite charity.”

Informal get-together? Ask friends to bring a few canned goods or gently used clothing that you will donate to charity. It doesn’t have to  be a big production, just a thoughtful gesture.

Live an integrated life

It is no doubt easier to write a few checks than to integrate your values into so many areas of your life. But a greater consciousness about our actions and how they affect the causes we care about helps us to feel empowered and in control. Maybe you can’t write that many zeros in your donation, but we can all live a fulfilling, integrated life.

Rededicating The Philanthropic Family

October 18, 2010

I’m just coming off of maternity leave after giving birth to our third child this summer, a healthy and beautiful baby girl. My blog has been dormant for a while, since the past few months have been outrageously busy. But I wanted to “re-launch” and commit to weekly postings of the tools that I discover to help lead an “Integrated Life.”

What is An Integrated Life?

The recession has prompted many to turn inward, rejecting the quest for material things in favor of the search for meaning. Instead of treating philanthropy as a holiday check-writing exercise divorced from the rest of our lives, we are striving to integrate personal passions, professional expertise, consumer habits, vacation time and even household buying decisions into a single identity that expresses a consistent set of values.  We’re no longer content to compartmentalize our lives, sending a few dollars to poverty-stricken children in Africa while buying diamonds from the terrorists who create conditions of despair. Globalization, with all its complications, has made us aware of the impact of our buying habits and lifestyle on people half the world away. The organic and slow-food movements, the fair trade movement and the greening of America are all evidence of this understanding.

So if you’re ready to take this journey with me, subscribe to receive  updates once or twice a week with ideas, concrete examples and inspiration to help you “be the change you wish to see in the world.”


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